


Cracking the Ice

by MrsNea



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21715243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsNea/pseuds/MrsNea
Summary: Steve and Y/N used to be best friends, but not any more. Things between them are cold. Now Bucky and Y/N are best friends instead.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27
Collections: Star Spangled Bingo 2019





	1. Mission

Bucky and you hurried down the corridor to the conference room. Steve would not be happy with your tardiness. But it was not your fault, Bucky had cornered you in the gym about who the man you liked was. You really needed to learn to keep your mouth shut when you drink tequila with the girls or just stop drinking altogether. Fortunately, F.R.I.D.A.Y had interrupted you with the news that the team meeting was starting. You knew that Bucky was faster than you and easily could be at the meeting already, but he kept up with you, which you were thankful for.  
“Steve is going to kill us,” you gasped out as you saw the door to the conference room.  
“Not at all,” Bucky said easily, he was breathing normally.  
“Maybe not you,” You hissed. “But he hates me.” The last part came out almost like a whisper. You blinked away the tears in your eyes. Steve and you had been good friends, but now, well now he was cold against you, and distant. He never wanted to spend time with you anymore.  
“Steve does not hate you,” Bucky said and looked over at you. You just shake your head. Bucky was just trying to make you feel better.  
“This is all your fault,” you got out as you come to a stop in front of the door. Bucky opened it and walked in with ease like he had not just run to get there. You walked in behind him and keep your eyes on Bucky’s back. Red and sweaty was not a good look at you.  
“How nice of you to join us,” Steve sneered at you, but his eyes were on you alone. Eyes that shot daggers.  
“Sorry, Captain,” You got out and Bucky looked between you and Steve. A smirk formed on Bucky’s face. Fuck, that was not good.  
“I am sorry, Steve,” Bucky says and puts his arms around your shoulders. “I keep her occupied and we forgot the time.” This was true, but it sounded.. It sounded almost dirty when Bucky said it. You could see Sam, Tony and Clint snicker. Wanda and Nat looked at you with confusion. You shake your head silently, so the girls could see. Nat mounted to you that you would talk later. You nodded. Steve cleared his throat and made a gesture to the table. Bucky dragged you to two empty chairs between Clint and Sam. 

Steve started talking about upcoming missions, but you had a hard time listening. Your thoughts were somewhere else. You looked up at Steve and watched him talking. Why did he have to be so damn good looking? He was looking down at the papers in front of him and talking about missions for the next day. Wait, what did he say? A couple of missions the same day, in different parts of the world. You looked at Steve in disbelief. Was he serious?  
“We are all splitting up in smaller teams?” you asked and Steve looked up from his papers.  
“Yes, we have more than one pressing mission so we are splitting up to handle it all,” Steve answered and looked down on his papers again.  
“Is that really a good idea?” Wanda asked the same question that you were going to ask.  
“Fury and I discussed it and agreed. This is happening people,” Steve said and looked around the table at all the Avengers, except you. He did not look at you. It should not bother you, but it does. Steve was always kind of cold against you, and only you. And he did not use to be. What had happened to you?  
“The first team is: Tony, Wanda, Peter and Vision,” Steve said and handed them all a folder with their mission.  
“The next team is: Clint, Natasha, Sam and Bucky,” Steve said. You looked up and was met with Bucky’s eyes open wide and Nat had a smirk on her face. What had just happened? Bucky and you always went on missions together. Steve handed them folders with the missions and then he turned to you.  
“That leaves us, Y/N, on a mission together,” He handed you a folder and you opened it. Steve and you were going to Alaska, and your cover was as a young couple on a skiing vacation together. Fuck, fuck, fuck. How were you going to stand to be with Steve and not let it show that it was not killing you to pretend to be together with him. Especially when all you really wanted was to be his real girlfriend. You knew from an earlier mission that Steve could play a loving boyfriend really good, but you had not been undercover with him in a really long time. And how was this going to end when he was cold against you. Could you survive his hot and cold attitude against you? Steve dismiss you with the parting words of when the mission would start the next day.

Bucky follows you out of the conference room and down the hall. You did not say a word, just walking towards your rooms in silence. You stoped outside your room and you turn to Bucky. You needed to pack, as did he.  
“Y/N, you know I can read you really well by now,” Bucky smirked at you which made you look down at the floor. Fuck, this was not good. “What I don’t understand is how I could have been so blind not to see that it is Steve that you have a crush on.”  
“Shh,” you said and pulled Bucky into your room. “You can’t say those things out loud in the open. Anybody can hear you!” You close your door with a bang and turned around to look at Bucky. He is laughing so hard at you.  
“Bucky,” you whine and he continues laughing. “This is not funny. I am in love with the one man that hates me.”  
“In love,” Bucky stops laughing. “I thought you just had a little crush. And for the record, Steve does not hate you.”  
“Bucky, don’t try and spare my feelings, I know that Steve hates me,” You sigh and sit down on your bed. “He is cold and distant. We used to do things together, like having movie nights and or training together, but now he can’t even be in the same room as me.” You look down at the floor, and therefore missing the smirk on Bucky’s face.  
“I have never seen you hang out together like that,” Bucky said trying to hold his smirk back.  
“I know, it stopped when you got here,” you say and look over to your favourite photo of Steve and you together, it was taken at one of Tony’s parties, just a few months before Steve found Bucky. “I guess, with you back he just does not need me as his best friend anymore.”  
“Right,” Bucky scuffs and walks over to the photo of Steve and you. He picks it up and his smile grew wider.  
“I just need to survive this mission with him,” you say and stand up and walks over to the window. “Then I will see if I can get away from here for a while, so I can get over him.”  
“What?!” Bucky says and turns around, almost dropping the picture of Steve and you.  
“I can’t see him every day anymore,” you press your forehead to the window. “I need to be away from him if I will ever have a chance to get over my feelings. I mean, I have tried to get over him for a long while now, and it has not been working, because I see him almost every day. And deep down I have been keeping the hope that he might want to be with me, that he will wake up and see me.”  
Bucky walks over to you and pulls you into a hug.  
“You have been through so much together,” Bucky mumbles against your hair. “Finding me, the civil war, defeating Thanos. And now you are just going to give up?” You pull away from Bucky.  
“Giving up? How many years do you want me to wait before I try to move on?” you are starting to get mad at him. “I saw him kissing Sharon. It almost killed me. I know that they did not end up together, probably because she is Peggy’s niece and it was kind of weird. But one of these days he is going to fall in love with a woman and she is going to be the one for him. I.. I just can’t be here then, not if I still have these feelings for him..”  
“Y/N, I am sorry,” Bucky says and lifts his hands up in the air. “Maybe you should talk to him before you go?”  
“I don’t know,” You mutter and walk over to your closet. “I don’t want to hear him laugh at me when I tell him about my feelings.”  
“He would never do that,” Bucky says as you pull out your bags. You just shake your head and turn your back to him, showing him that the subject is closed for now.  
“I will see you later,” Bucky says and leaves you alone to your thoughts. 

Bucky closed the door behind him and sigh. He did not want Y/N to leave. He needed to fix this between Steve and Y/N, before she left them all. What had happened that made Steve treat Y/N the way he did. Bucky had his suspicions, but he needed to get it confirmed before he did anything more.  
He formed a plan, smiled and rubbed his hands together. What he needed to do to stir the pot. He walked down the hallway away from your door. Steve was in the kitchen looking over the mission folders at the counter and Nat sat with Wanda drinking coffee.  
“Hey, Steve,” Bucky said and walked over to him. “Can we talk?” Nat looked over at them. Bucky winked at her and sat down at the counter.  
“Sure, what’s up?” Steve wondered.  
“I was just wondering if there was a reason for how the missions were divided between the team?” Bucky says and trying to keep a smirk from his mouth.  
“The teams are divided according to the different people’s abilities and strengths,” Steve responded not meeting Bucky’s eyes. “For example, we need Y/N ability to sense other people that are close and read their minds is needed on this mission.”  
“I understand that,” Bucky nodded. “I guess I am just not used to not having her with me on missions.” Steve nodded and looked down at his papers. Bucky could see the tightness in Steve’s body.  
“You know, Y/N and I used to go on a lot of missions alone before,” Steve muttered out and Bucky smirked. Steve was still not looking at him.  
“She has said that,” Bucky looked at Wanda and Nat who clearly was eavesdropping. “I just never seen it.” Bucky shrugs and Nats eyes narrow on Steve.  
“Please, keep an eye on Y/N for me,” Bucky sigh and hid a smirk behind his hand. Steve looked up at him.  
“Yeah, sure,” Steve answered shrugging his shoulders.  
“I mean it, punk, she can get in trouble really fast and I just need to know you will have her back,” Bucky looks kind of worried.  
“I will have her back. I promise,” Steve puy a hand on Bucky’s shoulder and gave a small squish.  
“Thank you,” Bucky shoulders relaxed under Steve’s hand. Nat and Wanda look on with amused faces and Bucky sends them a wink. They clearly knew something was going on. “I just don’t know what I would do without her in my life. I mean after you, she is my best friend.”  
“Friend, I bet,” Steve mutters under his breath.  
“What?” Bucky acts as he did not just hear Steve.  
“Nothing,” Steve says a little too quick.  
“Just take care of her, even if she’s not your friend anymore,” Bucky says and turns to leave. 

Steve feels as he gets an electric chook.  
“What did you just say?” he asks Bucky’s back.  
“I said: Just take care of her, even if she’s not your friend anymore,” Bucky says and turns around.  
“We are still friends,” Steve states and crosses his arms.  
“Could have fooled me,” Bucky walks back to Steve.  
“What does that mean?” Steve wants to know. Bucky sighs and looks over to Nat and Wanda.  
“Steve, you never spend time with each other anymore,” Wanda says and looks at Nat.  
“You were always together before, and now you are cold as ice towards her,” Nat said with a cold voice, she hated how Steve was treating Y/N, but had not wanted to get involved before. But if Bucky was saying these things to Steve, then something was going on with Y/N. Something bad.  
“You know, she thinks she has done something wrong, that you are mad at her,” Wanda almost whisper out, knowing that she is breaking Y/N trust in saying so.  
Steve’s head shots up.  
“What?” Steve almost yells. Nat shrugged her shoulders and Bucky almost looks mad. “She has not done anything wrong.”  
“Well, could have fooled us,” Bucky makes a gesture to the tree of them. “I mean, that woman’s been by your side through everything, from finding me, civil war, the snap and defeating Thanos. And you treat her like she is, well, not your friend and as she has the plague.”  
Steve just shakes his head. He had never thought about it like that. Y/N had always been by his side and now, he was treating her badly. Steve also knew that if he needed her, she would still be there for him. All he had intended to do was take a step back, but he had done it a bit too good. She must think he hated her.  
“It’s just…” Steve started to say but remembered who was standing in front of him. “I will try to be better.” With that, Steve hurried out of the room. 

Wanda hides a small giggle in her hand.  
“That was brutal,” Nat smirked when Steve was out of range. Wanda nods.  
“Well, I need to light a fire under Steve’s ass,” Bucky commented.  
“So, I take it that you have finally understood that does two have feelings for each other?” Wanda asks.  
“Yes, and if we wait for Steve to make a move, we could wait until we are old and grey,” Bucky shrugs. “Well, grey at least. And we don’t have that time.” Bucky looks down on his shoes. “Y/N is leaving.”  
“What?” Nat and Wanda stand up.  
“Nooo,” they hear from the vents and Clint come barling into the room from the air vents.  
“She just told me,” Bucky slumps his shoulders. “She wants to get over Steve.”  
“What can we do?” Wanda wondered and looked around the room.  
“Nothing right now,” Nat said and put a hand on Wanda’s arm. “But if they come back from that mission, without getting this sorted, then we will do something.” They all nod in agreement. 

*~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~* ~*~*

Steve was wandered back and forth in his room. He had a lot to think about, manly Y/N. How things were between them was his fault, and it had been bad for almost a year now. He needed to solve it, but how? Maybe this mission was just what they needed. Time together to talk like before and away from the team. Steve smiled and walked over to his closet to pack for the mission. This mission would be a fresh start for them. He was going to make sure they were friends again, even if she was with Bucky and that was slowly killing him. They deserved to be happy and it seemed that the two of them made each other happy. He just needed to get over Y/N and start seeing her as his friend again. 

Bucky and you were saying goodbye to each other a bit out of the way from the rest of the team.  
“I am sorry I won’t be able to help you with your nightmares for a while,” you say and hang your head.  
“Sweetie, I will be just fine,” Bucky smiled at you. “I am more worried about you and Steve on a mission together.” You looked up at him, trying to keep your game face on.  
“Bucky, it will not be a problem,” you say as you straighten your spine standing a bit taller. “He will ignore me when we are alone and be focused on the mission when we are out and about.” Bucky nods and pulls you into a big, warm hug.  
“Give him hell,” he whispers in your ear and takes a step back. You look up at him, wondering what he meant.  
“Y/N, are you coming?” Steve shouts out looking grumpy. “We don’t have the whole day.” You quickly press a kiss to Bucky’s check and then give the rest of the team a hug and walk over to Steve. He has a scold on his face, but you don’t care.  
“Are you ready, Captain?” you said and walked into the Quinjet where Nat was waiting for you. She was going to give you a ride to Alaska and drop you off before returning to go to her mission. Steve and you were going to be alone in Alaska, without backup. You took a seat and looked over at Steve. He was standing there looking a bit lost before he shook his head and walked over to Nat and sat down in the co-pilot seat. You picked up your headphones and put them on. A bit of music would help you relax and forget all your problems for a while.

Steve looked back and saw that Y/N had put on her headphones. Her eyes were closed and she looked relaxed. He smiled at the sight. She had not been so relaxed when she talked to Bucky earlier. He could have sworn he saw the pain in her face like something was wrong. Maybe not everything between Bucky and her was fine. She did not seem happy. He wanted to go over there and talk like they used to. He wanted to pull her into his arms comforting her. And then make her laugh.  
“Why don’t you go back there and talk to her,” Nat said as she looked at him.  
“I don’t know what to say,” Steve said and turned around to look forward.  
“Maybe start with ‘I am sorry I been an idiot’” Nat smirked at him. Steve just shook his head and Nat sigh.  
“How are you going to make things right between the two of you, if you don’t talk with her?” Nat looks back at Y/N. “You are going to lose her one of these days.”  
“I just.. I can’t right now,” Steve says and Nat drops it. There is a comfortable silence between them, but Nat sees Steve glancing back at Y/N ever so often. 

You are woken up by Nat crouching in front of you.  
“We are here,” She says and rubs your thigh.  
“Thank you, Nat,” You say and jawn. You stood up and stretched and you could feel Steves eyes on you, but you ignored it. Nat handed you a winter parka that you put on before you gave her a hug. Steve stood ready with the bags and the skies that Tony had bought you for this mission.  
“Are you ready?” Steve asked. You nodded and together you left the Quinjet. The mission was on.


	2. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Y/N used to be best friends, but not any more. Things between them are cold. Now Bucky and Y/N are best friends instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New series for the @star-spangled-bingo. It will be about 5 parts. Maybe more. This takes place after Avengers: Endgame, but Steve never left. Tony and Nat are still alive...

The cold air was crisp and the sun shines in your face. Steve takes a deep breath beside you before he lets it out.  
“There is a car for us just a way north of here,” Steve says and starts walking in the thick snow. You follow him and try to walk in his footsteps, but his gait is a bit too long. Snowshoes had been a good idea, but it was too late now. You try to keep up with him and 15 minutes later you came to a big black SUV. Steve takes the keys from behind the front tire and you pack your things into the car. Steve takes the driver’s seat so you sit beside him. The warm air in the car feels like heaven against your cold feet. Steve is quiet so you don’t say a word. You look out the window to see the beautiful winter wonderland. Alaska was beautiful and you wish you were here on a vacation instead of a mission. Why the hell was Hydra operating in Alaska? Maybe you would find out soon.  
“We are soon going to be at the cabin. Do you remember our cover story?” Steve asks and gives you a quick glance.  
“Yes, I remember,” you look at him. “You are Chris Evans and I am Sophie Micheals, we have been together for three years and since we both love skiing we decided to take a vacation here.”  
Steve nods, his eyes staring straight ahead on the road.  
“I am an English literature student at Harvard and you are a law student at the same university,” you continue and sign. Still no verbal response from Steve. If this was a few years ago, he would be talking and laughing with you. Now, just silence. It was slowly killing you. Just this mission, then you would leave. Maybe you could get over him. You looked out on the landscape, trying not to cry.

Steve glanced at Y/N. She had stopped talking and seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. He had not noticed until this mission that she had stopped trying to talk to him. Just a couple of months before she would have tried her best to get him to talk to her, just even for a minute, but not anymore. He sighed because he knew now that he really fucked everything up. More than he had thought after he talked the day before with Bucky, Nat and Wanda.  
He wanted to reach out to her. Take her hand in his. Make her laugh, but he did not know-how. It was like he had built up a wall between you two and he had no idea how to tear it down.  
“And the rest?” Steve asks after a while. She looks at him with big eyes. Then she tells him the rest of your cover story. Steve looks from her and to the road and then back again. He drops his left hand from the steering wheel and grips her right hand and gives it a squish. He continues watching the road but keeps his hand in hers. He could feel that she went kind of stiff when he gripped her hand, but as long as she did not pull it away he would hold on. He really needed to fix this. He wants his friend back. It was as she was slipping away from him. Slowly, but steadily. She turns her head and looks out the window again and Steve can feel that she is relaxing. They don’t say a word and Steve is enjoying the feeling of her delicate hand in his.

After 30 minutes you arrive at the cabin. There is a car parked outside.  
“The landlord is supposed to be here and greet us,” Steve says and drops your hand. You immediately miss the feel of his hand in yours, but he parks the car and turns it off. He jumps out and walks over to your side fast. He opens the door for you and helps you out. The cold is biting in your cheeks again and before you can put on your gloves, Steve takes your hand again. The heat from his hand warms you up and you look down at your hands. You look up and see that Steve is looking at you. It is hard to read his expression and before you can say anything, the door to the cabin opens and a woman walks out on the steps.  
“Welcome to Alaska,” the woman greets you. Steve and you greet her with your cover. You let Steve do most of the talking, and try to keep your head in the game. But your mind is wandering to how Steve is acting. It is more like it was before he got cold and distant and you can feel a bit of hope building in your chest. You don’t want to have hope just to have it put out again, but at the same time, maybe Bucky was right. Maybe you should talk to Steve.

The landlady leaves you and it is time to put on the skies and start looking for Hydra. You are both quiet, all your focus is on the mission. You figured you should try and talk to Steve after the mission, maybe when you were back at the compound with the rest of the Avengers. So if it went bad, you could tell Bucky and then disappear for a while. You take a couple of deep breaths to think about the mission instead. You needed to find out what Hydra was doing in Alaska and where they had their headquarters. 

Steve and you had been out on the skies for two hours and you were already sick of the cold weather and how affectionate Steve was acting. Mostly how affectionate Steve was. It was almost as before Bucky, but you knew deep down that he was faking. Faking for the mission.  
“Why could this mission not have been in Hawaii,” you grumble under your breath as you were walking around in the woods. “It is so fucking cold.”  
“Y/N, stop complaining about the cold,” Steve hiss at you. “It’s not even that cold.”  
“Easy for you not to complain,” you said and looked at Steve. “Fucking, Supersoldier that never gets cold,” you muttered under your breath. That Steve, of course, heard because of his enchanted hearing.  
“What did you just say,” he looks at you.  
“You heard me,” you mutter and turn around still muttering under your breath. It would soon be dark and you still had not come across any Hydra operates. You pick up something and stops. You can feel a few men a couple of hundred meters away. Steve had stopped with you. He looks at you as you try to access their minds, but they were still too far away. Steve signs something to you and you sign make. Sometimes it was good that Steve also knew sign language. You continued forward to where you could feel the men being. After a while, you got into their minds. They were Hydra and you wanted to puke when you hear what they were thinking about.  
“Steve, this is so much worse than we thought,” you whisper to Steve trying not to puke. Steve puts a hand on your arm and gives you a squish. You take a couple of deep breaths and continue to listen to the men. All you needed was a location and you could go back and regroup in the cabin and get back-up. You could feel them men coming closer, but not so close that they could see you just yet. Then you got it, the location to where they kept their operations, but the men were coming too close for you to be able to escape. You gesture to Steve what was happening and you start to look around for something that could help.

Steve saw the panic in Y/N eyes. The men were coming closer, he could hear them now. There was only one thing that came to mind. He took off his skis quickly and walked over to Y/N and pressed her against the tree. Her eyes were big and searching his face. I really hope Bucky forgives me, Steve thought and lowered his mouth to hers. She went stiff, but only for a minute. Then she kissed him back, just as they came into view from them Hydra men. Steve loved the feeling of her lips on his. He deepened the kiss and she followed him deeper. Warmth spread through Steve’s body and he almost forgot where he was, all he could think about was her. 

You could hear the men’s thoughts and how they were whispering to themselves before they disappeared. They had reasoned that you two were to caught up in each other to notice them. When you feel like they were on a safe distance you pushed Steve away. His lips were swollen from the kissing, his eyes dilated and he was breathing heavy.  
“Good thinking,” You said and walked past him, trying to gain your posture. Kissing him had been both heaven and hell. Now that you knew how his lips tasted like and how they fit against yours, you knew you were domed. All there was left to do was to leave the Avengers when you got back home. Maybe you could join the X-Men again. At the same time was the things you had heard in the men’s heads slowly killing you. You wanted to fight them then and there, but that was not the tactic that was needed here.  
“Nat taught me that,” Steve said and walked over to his skis. What did that mean? Had Nat taught him how to kiss or that move? You shake your head. This was not something you wanted to think about.  
“What are they doing here in Alaska?” Steve wondered after a while. You could feel the tears building up in your eyes.  
“They have kidnapped children and trying to make new Winter Soldiers. Out of children, Steve!” The last part comes out with a sob. Steve walked over to you and pulls you into a hug.  
“We will save them, Y/N,” Steve says and kiss your forehead before he lets you go. “Let’s get back to the cottage and get back-up out here.” There was no one around and still, he had been affectionate. This was really starting to mess with your head. First holding hands in the car and now this What was going on? You shook your head. The priority was to get to the cabin and get back-up here. Then you could think about Steve and you.

About 40 minutes later you arrive at the lake, where the cabin was on the other side.  
“Come on, this way,” Steve said and started skiing along the beach.  
“I think we should go over the lake,” You say and nod towards the cottage on the other side. The cottage you were staying in.  
“That is not a good idea. The ice is probably not safe,” Steve declared with a frown on his face.  
“I am not skiing the long way around,” you argue with Steve. You were cold, tired and wanted to get to the cabin fast so that you could get back-up for the kids. 

You skied over the ice towards the cottage and Steve followed you without a word. After a few minutes Steve skied past you keeping a faster pace. He seemed irritated with you, but you did not care. It was not like it was a new thing that he did not speak to you.  
When you are halfway to the other side the ice around you started cracking and you knew what was happening. Steve was still keeping a good temp a couple of meters away from you and you hoped he would be okay. You skied on slowly forward trying to not disturb the ice any more than necessary. It was no use of turning around, the beach on the other side was closer. The ice still cracked under you and you try to slowly lower yourself down to lay flat at the same time as the ice cracks open under you. All you could think was: I am falling. And that was what happened. You fall into the freezing water with a big splash. The last thing you hear before going under the water is Steve’s scared voice screaming your name. You were struggling with getting the skis off your feet because you knew they were going to drag you down. 

Steve heard the ice cracking and turned around. He saw Y/N disappear in the water and yelled out her name. Why had he not checked that the ice would hold for them both? He needed to get to her and that was fast. Steve got his skis off and ran towards the hole in the ice and jumped in, without hesitating. She had yet to surface. The cold water momentarily paralysed him, but he quickly shook it off. The water was dark and he had trouble seeing in the water. A movement to his right caught his eye and he swam towards it. When he could come closer he saw that she was struggling with her last ski. He took a grip of her foot and pulled it off. He took hold of her arm and together they swam to the surface. 

You surfaced together gasping for air, and you were trying not to panic. You were so cold. It felt as your body was made of ice. Steve still feels warm against you and it took all you had not to cling yourself at him and keep holding on. You knew you needed to get out of the water and fast. Steve tried to take a hold of you, but you would not let him. Did he really think you couldn’t swim? You started making your way to the ice, it had cracked a lot around you and you needed to find a safe place to get up out of the water. When you reached the edge Steve tried to lift himself up with all his weight to see if it would hold. The ice cracking sound, but it did not break.  
“You go first,” Steve said and tried to get a hold of you. You shake your head.  
“No, you go first,” you countered pushed him towards the ice. He sighed and crawled up on the ice. When he was up you waited until he crawled a bit away. He turned and offered you his hand, still laying flat on his stomach. You took his hand and with your joint force you could get out from the cold water. Together, with some space between the two of you, the crawl towards Steves skis began. When you reached them you both stood up, slowly, trying to access if the ice would hold. Not a sound was heard, so you walked fast towards the beach. You could feel your anger towards Steve building up. You still had not said anything besides who would get out of the water first.

Steve was glancing at Y/N ever so often. He could have lost her. She could have been lost forever in the water, and the thought of losing her made him feel sick to his stomach and there was this pain in his chest. Worse pain than the thought of her together with Bucky. He really did not want to lose her. Even if it meant just being her friend, he just could not lose her. Steve could clearly see that she was angry and that she soon would explode, but what she was upset about, he really could not tell. Well, I will find out soon, he thought and walked on.

You tried to keep your temper in place, but you really could not. Steve was acting strange, and you needed answers.  
“What the fuck would you do that, Steve?” you yelled as you come to the beach, safe and sound from the cold water. “Why the hell would you jump in after me?” Steve looked down at the ground.  
“Well, answer me!” you demanded and Steve looked up at you.  
“Well, I could not have Bucky’s best girl get hurt,” Steve said and looked away. Bucky’s best girl. Not Steve’s, not anymore. It hurt. It was like he put a knife in your chest.  
“I can swim, Steve” you scuff and trying to keep moving, even though you are ice cold.  
“Bucky would have killed me if anything happens to you,” Steve is looking anywhere but at you. You glare at him, could he be any more clear that Bucky was the only one that cared about you. Steve only jumped in because of his best friend. You were clearly not his friend anymore. Not his best girl anymore. Fuck, you just got the answer you needed. You needed to move, to get over Steve.  
“I am fine, but we need to make it to the cabin before we freeze to death” you start walking to the cabin trying to stop the tears building in your eyes. Your clothes were cold and starting to freeze in the cold air, making them stiff to walk in. Steve is walking beside you carrying his skis, but not looking at you. This was going to be a long walk, even if it was just about a mile left.


	3. Stripping

You were soon in front of the cottage and Steve was looking for keys in his pockets.  
“I can’t believe this,” Steve almost growls.   
“You dropped the keys, did you not?” You shutter out. Steve mumbles something under his breath. You really want to say something to him about keeping keys safe, but you don’t. He probably lost them when he jumped into the water after you and you knew he just did it to save you. Even though you would have managed the situation yourself. You opened your wet jacket that slowly was turning into ice and closed your hand over your lock-picking set. You gave a small thanks that you had not lost in the water and got it out. Steve looked at you and saw what you had in your hand. He took a step to the side and let you get access to the door. You kneeled in front of the door and when to work. After a short while, you got the door open. If your hands had not been cold and stiff the door would have been open much faster. You open the door and step inside the cottage. 

Steve took off his shoes and walked over to the fireplace to start a fire. You took off your ice-covered jacket and tossed it on the floor by the door. Then you crouched down to take off your shoes. How could your entire body hurt and be numb at the same time? And you were so cold. You looked at your our hands and saw they were blue and your fingers were hard to bend. 

When you got your shoes off you started to take off your ski pants, but it was hard to open the sipper. After a short while struggling you got it down and could pull the pants off. You looked around the room and walked over to your bag to get dry cloths. With the bag in hand, you walked over to the door that you thought would lead you to a bedroom. But when you opened the door, it was a small bathroom. Too small for you to get out of your clothes without hurting yourself on the sink, bathtub or toilet. You close the door and look around for another door, but there was none. That meant you needed to get out of your clothes here. In front of Steve. This was going to be awkward, but it was important to get the cold clots of quickly so you did not get sick. Or Steve might not get sick, but you certainly would. Steve still has his back to you so you start with taking off your thick sweater. Your hands were still stiff, so it was kind of a struggle to get it off. 

Steve turned around and just looked at you. His face was red. Was he blushing or was it his skin getting warm?  
“What are you doing?” he cleared his throat.   
“I am taking off my wet and cold cloths,” you answered crouching down to take off your socks. Steve looked around the room and his eyes stayed on the bathroom door. He took a step forward.  
“There is no use in trying to change in there,” you say as you were trying to get off your other sock. “It is too small for me to change in, so you can imagine how it will be for you.” Steve sigh.  
“Just change here, Steve,” you make a gesture in the room. “We are both adults and we need to get these clothes off before we get sick.” Steve nod and pulls off his sweater. You try not to look at him, but it is hard. He was the most gorgeous man you had ever seen, and let’s face it you worked with a couple of mouth-watering men. So you start with unbuttoning your pants, you see Steve taking off his ski pants in your peripheral vision. You tried to keep your eyes away from his form, but were you really going to get to see him naked? If you weren’t so cold, you probably would blush.

“Bucky is going to kill me when he finds out about this,” Steve did a gesture against you.  
“What do you mean?” you wondered as you were pulling your pants down in front of him.   
“We are basically stripping in front of each other,” Steve mumbled and his face became redder. How was that possible?   
“And why would Bucky care about that?” you tilt your head to the side.  
“I don’t think he would like it that his girlfriend is stripping in front of his best friend,” Steve’s face really red.   
“Girlfriend?” you get out. Letting the stripping comment pass you by.   
“Yes, you,” Steve looks away from you.  
“I am not Bucky’s girlfriend,” you laugh. Steve though you and Bucky were together. This was hilarious.   
“I know you are,” Steve gets and you look up.  
“I think I would know if I had a boyfriend,” you say, not laughing anymore. Was he serious?  
“Then why would Bucky ask me to have your back?” Steve took a step forward. The undressing had stopped. The air felt thick and you had problems with breathing. What was happening?  
“Maybe because he is my best friend,” you state. “Because he cares about me and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me when he can’t be with me to have my back.” Steve nods and looks away again. You take a deep breath and pull of your t-shirt. Your hands were still a bit stiff, but the fire in the cabin was starting to help.   
“I still can’t believe you think Bucky and I are together?” you say after a while. It had been gnawing on your mind.  
“What should I have believed? You walk around in his shirts in the morning after you leave his room early.” Steve turns around and his eyes got big. You are now standing in front of him in your underwear.  
“I used to walk around in your shirts as well, but we were not together,” you tilt your head, trying to read Steve. He looks away from you.   
“That is different,” he says, still not looking at you.  
“How is it different?” you wonder still not getting it. How was it different? You had been friends just like Bucky and you. And you had stolen Steve shirts because they smelled like him and made you feel safe. Well, it was different for you. You did not steal Bucky’s shirts for the same reason. Sometimes it was because your shirt was wet from tears so you take Bucky’s shirt instead. Other times it was because you were cold.   
“It just is,” Steve huffs out and walks over to the small couch. You drop the subject and start pulling out dry clothes from your bag. When you pull out a sweater a red lace bra falls out. Bucky you think and hold in a groan. He was messing with you and you were not enjoying it. You quickly put the bra back in your bag praying that Steve had not seen it. 

Steve looked back at Y/N just the same moment as she accidentally pulled out a red lace bra from her bag. He looked away and cursed under his breath. She wore things like that? This was going to be torture being around her after seeing that. And knowing that Bucky got to see her in those. Sure she had told him that they weren’t together, but Steve just could not believe it. Not like Bucky was talking about her or her wearing Bucky’s shirts. Yes, she had been right, she used to wear his shirts, but she never sent as many nights in Steve’s room as she did Bucky. Steve tried not to look at her undressing, she was not his to look at and he did not want to be a creep. He hurries up with his undressing and changed into dry clothes. When he was dressed he walked over to one of the bags and pulled out the encrypted phone and called Fury to let him know the situation. The news Steve got from Fury was not what he had expected.

You look at Steve standing by the window with a scowl on his face. He was looking out and you took the time to admire how good he looked dressed in sweats and a thick sweater. You wanted to go over there and give him a hug, but things between the two of you were not like they used to be. Then it would have been a normal thing, now it was distant that Steve seemed to want. Which he was going to get when you got back to the compound. Leaving the team, who where your only family, was going to be hard, but you needed to get over Steve. You finished dressing and walked over to the fire to warm up. You put your hands out in front of you and close your eyes. The warmth from the fire was lovely against your cold fingers and you could feel your body starting to heat up. You heard Steve end the call and you waited for him to tell you what Fury had said.   
“There is a snowstorm coming. The back-up is on the way, but we have orders to stay here in the cabin until everything blows over.” Steve says and walks over to you. All you can think about is the children in that Hydra has, but you know there is nothing you can do about it. Going out in a snowstorm in Alaska, if it was bad, could mean death. And you if Fury told you to stay put, you knew you needed to do just that.   
“I know you are worried about the children,” Steve puts a hand on your shoulder, you could feel the heat from his hand through your thick sweater. “But we will help them.”  
“I know, Steve,” you said and looked at the flames. “I guess we just have to wait it out. I bought some canned soup. I will go and heat it up.” Steve dropped his hand from your shoulder and you walked over to your bag and got the soup out. You found a saucepan in the small kitchen that you poured the soup in and put it on the stove.   
“What is that?” Steve asked after a while. You turned around and saw Steve looking at the only bed in the cottage. A queen-size bed.


	4. Bed Sharing

You looked from the bed to Steve.   
“It’s a bed,” you answered. “Have you gotten a stroke?”  
“I know it’s a bed,” Steve looked at you. “But there is only one bed.”  
“Yeah, so what?”   
Steve looked at the small couch, which was only slightly bigger than an armchair. There was no possibility that one of you could sleep on the couch. Not even you. Something that you already figured out. Steve lets out a sigh and looks down on the floor.   
“I can’t share a bed with you,” Steve gets out after a little while.   
“Why not?” you look at him, trying to figure out what he is thinking. “We have shared a bed before.”  
“This is different.” Steve looks up at you.“Bucky will not be happy about it.”  
“What the fuck, Steve,” you groan. You thought you were done with this discussion. “I am not with Bucky.” You rub your temples feeling a headache coming on.   
“Not now, but eventually,” Steve mumbled and rubbed his neck.   
“No, not now, not ever,” you yell and then you take a deep breath. You really wanted to hit Steve.   
“What?” Steve looks at you and his eyebrows are drawn together.  
“Bucky is my best friend,” you state and look up at Steve. “He knows about my past, he knows about my life. I love him and he loves me, but not romantically. We are like brother and sister”  
“But you sleep together,” Steve tilts his head to the side like he is trying to piece it all together.  
“I help him with his nightmares,” you say and walk over to the stove, stirring in the soup.   
“What?” Steve gaps at you.   
“I said I help him with his nightmares,” you say again. You really did not want to talk about how you did it, not now. It was not that you did not trust Steve, it was more the fact that you did not trust yourself with your feelings right now.   
“Why?” Steve wondered and you turned around and looked at him. You started to shrug your shoulders but decided to give him as much truth as you could.  
“When we saved Bucky he had a lot of nightmares,” you could easily remember the tormented screams that used to wake you up in the middle of the night. “And you were always there for him, pulling him out of the dreams. You both were so tired Steve, and when Bucky and I started talking more, I started showing him things he had missed when he was the Winter Soldier like I did with you. One of the things we watched was Disney movies. One night we both fell asleep together and he did not have any nightmares. Bucky and I became friends quickly and then we started spending more time together, so you both could get some sleep.”  
“I still don’t understand,” Steve has a frown on his face.   
“Bucky and I understand each other’s trauma. And we don’t have any history together,” you sigh and walk over to Steve. You lay a hand on his arm. “In the beginning when Bucky tried to remember, you were kind of overbearing, wanting to get your best friend back and I was kind of a safe haven from all the pressure.” Steve nods and looks away. You know this probably hurt Steve to hear, but maybe after hearing this, he would not question Bucky’s and your relationship anymore.  
“Why did he not tell me?” Steve sighs.   
“He did not want to hurt you,” you were thinking of hugging him, but with all that had been going on between the two of you, it feels like it was the wrong move.   
Steve moves away from you and walks to the window, so you drop it and let him be alone with his thoughts. 

Steve looked out into the darkening day. The snow was making it a bit lighter, but soon it would be completely dark outside. Otherwise, Steve would have left the cabin. He needed to think alone, not be stuck in a cabin with Y/N. But at the same time, he knew he could not leave her alone her. What happens if Hydra, where to, finds her. And now he was scared of being alone with her as well. His best friend. What if he says the wrong things? Make things worse between them. Because Steve knew things were fucked up and that it was his fault. He had pushed her away because he was jealous. Bucky had always gotten all the dames back in the day and he thought that it was happening again with Y/N. Even if he was not completely convinced that it was not happening again, he felt like he needed to talk to Bucky before he did something more. Before he made a move on Y/N, he just needed to know that Bucky did not have feelings for her. He did not want to hurt his best friend. 

You eat in silence and even if it is killing you not to talk to him when he was so close, you knew he needed to think. He needed time to process. You hoped that Bucky would forgive you for telling Steve about his feelings, but you hated that Steve taught it was something going on between Bucky and you. Not that it seemed to have made any difference. Steve would not look at you at all and it hurt you. It was as if whatever you did went wrong. Maybe it was time for you to leave the team? At least for a while. To give Steve some space. To give you some breathing room without having to see the love of your life every day and knowing he did not feel the same. The evening continues in the same pattern. Steve was not talking to you and he kept a good physical distance from you as well. You sat in bed trying to read a book and ignoring him, but it was hard.   
It was getting late so you got ready for bed. Brushing your teeth and decided against changing out of your warm clothes to a PJ.   
“I am going to bed now,” you said to Steve. He just hummed and walked over to his bag.  
“Steve, we are two adults,” you sigh thinking about pulling your hair out. Steve’s hot and cold behaviour was confusing you. “We have shared a bed before. Come to bed now.” Steve held up his toothbrush and walked over to the bathroom. You crawl into bed and lay on one side to give Steve a lot of room when he comes back. The minutes go and you have a hard time keeping your eyes open. You wanted to wait on him, but you fall asleep and don’t notice when Steve comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later. 

Steve stops in the door looking at Y/N sleeping form in the bed. All he wanted was to join her in bed and pull her close. Have her sleeping as close to him as it was humanly possible. He shakes his head and walks over to the bed. He lifts the cover and lays down in the bed. Y/N turned around in her sleep and Steve tries to lay as still as possible. She comes closer to him and he can feel how cold she still is. He swears under his breath before he pulls her into his arms. He was telling himself that he was only doing it to stop her from getting sick, but he knew that it was so much more. Having her this close was both heaven and hell. The smell of her conditioner was feeling his nose and all he wanted to do was kiss her. She sighs happily in her sleep and Steve promises himself that he would wake up before her in the morning and make sure she did not know she was sleeping in his arms. 

The next morning you wake up feeling warm and safe. You can feel arms wrapped around you, and under your head, you hear a steady heartbeat. The heat from Steve’s body is keeping you warm, and you smile to yourself. You always loved when you spent the night together before sleeping together usually meant waking up in each other arms, it was something that only happened with Steve. Bucky and you had never cuddled. The nearest you were was waking up holding hands, but that had only been when Bucky had been having awful nights. You snuggle up closer to Steve and try to savour the moment. Maybe you should stay with the Avengers? Maybe this meant that Steve had feelings for you as well? You close your eyes again and then you feel it. Steve goes rigid. You move a bit away from him to look at him.  
“Good morning,” you say and smile at him. He drags his arm away from under you.  
“This never happened,” Steve jumps out of bed and stalks over to the bathroom. You sit up blinking away your tears. That had just answered your question. You were leaving the Avengers. This was your last mission. 

When Steve comes out of the bathroom you don’t look at him. You had changed your clothes now you walk into the bathroom and close the door. The tears are making their way into your eyes again, but you take a couple of deep breaths to calm yourself down. You can break down later, not when you had a super-soldier with super hearing on the other side of the door. After doing your business you walk out of the bathroom and over to the kitchen. Steve had made coffee but you don’t take a cup. Instead, you brew some tea for you. Caffeine was the last you needed right now. Steve is talking on his phone in front of the window and you knew that you needed to get your head in the game. You saw how he was looking at you, but you ignored it. Today all you had to do was save the kids from Hydra, then you could think about everything else. Steve hangs up and you knew you needed to handle this professionally. He was still your commanding officer.  
“Maria and the back-up are here in about an hour,” Steve looks down on the floor. He could not even meet your eyes.  
“Where should we meet them?” you ask keeping your voice even and empty. Steve finally looks up and meets your eyes, but you had put your mask on. Not showing any emotions at all.  
“They want us to meet them outside the Hydra facility,” Steve nods to the woods.  
“Of course,” you start getting ready. “I can be ready in 5 minutes.” Steve nodded and started getting ready as well. You smirk a bit to yourself. At least you got to kick some Hydra ass again before you left the team.


	5. Home Alone

You were finished with getting your gear on. Steve was still struggling some with his ski boots. Usually, you would offer to help, but not now. The cabin felt small with Steve bending over and looking like a god. It hurt in your chest to look at him so you took out your back up skies and went out. Small snowflakes were falling from the sky and it looked so beautiful around you. Maybe you could come back to Alaska someday to enjoy the country as it deserved to be enjoyed. After you left the team, you would have a lot more free time so travelling was going to be easier.

You put your skies on and made sure you had all your gear. Steve came out of the cabin and you started your journey to the Hydra base. Again there is only silence between you and you are so focused on the mission that you don’t even think about Steve. You find the facility exactly where you had found out from the agents the day before. You hid in the woods and waited for Maria. There are a few guards around and you can easily access their minds. They have no suspicion that something is going to happen, which you tell both Steve and later Maria when she comes up to you. Together Steve, Maria and you come up with a plan of attack. Your job was to get into the facility fast and free the children because getting them out alive was the top priority. Everything goes well until you get into the children. They were of different ages and they were wary of you. You started freeing the children that were chain or looked in cells and the things Hydra had done to these children was something you knew would haunt your dreams for a long, long time. You were so occupied with the children that you made a rocky mistake. Not keeping an eye on your surroundings. It seemed as out of nowhere two Hydra agents appeared. You needed to keep the children safe from the fighting and at the same time kick some Hydra ass. Your first priority was to make sure they did not use their guns, but they seemed to like the idea of being two men against a woman. The smirks they gave each other made your stomach turn, but you knew you could take them. You trained daily with the Black Widow and Winter Soldier. One of the men step forward and you get ready. The other man steps closer to the kids and you lash out trying to hit him. Something that the other man must have seen coming because he kicks you in the ribs. The pain radiates through your body, but you won’t let them see how much hurt that kick did. You attack the man that was closest to the children and when you see the other man advance you drop down, so this time he kicks his friend. Then you turn around and hit him first with a fist to the face and then you kick his knee out. The pop tells you that you hit it well. You swirl around and kick the other man in the face. The man behind you kicks your feet out from under you and you know you are a sitting duck on the floor. You get a fist to your face and can taste the blood in your mouth. Then something shines to your left and you know one of them had a knife. Something clicks in your head when you hear the kids gasp and you roll out of the way from a knife that would have been pushed in your stomach if you laid still. It hurts but you manage to get to your feet. The man with the injured knee is still on the floor. You kick him quickly and he loses his conscious. Now it was you against the man with the knife. It would have been great if you had your gun, but the clip was empty. Another rocky mistake. You usually had enough ammo with you. This was only another evidence that you needed to leave the team. Steve was in your head and you here making mistakes. You run against the man and his knife comes up just barely scraping against your forehead as you duck. You box with your hand against his spleen and then you kick his knee.   
“Y/N, status report,” you hear Steve in your ear. You don’t answer, but Steve must have heard something.  
“Y/N, where are you?” is the next thing you hear from Steve. His voice was kind of squicky.   
“Busy,” you get out as you hoop out of the way from the knife. You tune out what Steve is saying in your ear, concentrating on the fight. The man advances against you and your focus is to get the knife away from him. A child screams, but you keep your eyes on the man and somehow, you don’t really know-how. You manage to get the upper hand and the knife. You had used a move that Nat had taught you and it had worked perfectly. The man actually looks kind of scared. Then you kick his slean and then you hit his face in an upper-cut that makes him fall back. That is the moment that Steve runs into the room. He looks around and sees the men on the floor. You turn your back to Steve and smile at the kids.   
“Shall we get out of here,” you drop the knife to the floor. Maria and three of her men come into the room. Two kids come up to you and take your hand. Together you leave, without you saying another word. Well out of the facility you can see the big smiles on the children. Even if they were hurt they knew they were free now. It makes you smile as well.

A few hours later you and Steve were on your way back to the compound. The children were at a hospital getting checked before they would be reconnected with their parents. Apparently, Hydra had been kidnapping children they thought might be mutants. You sat with your headphones on trying to think about the good that had come out of this mission and not what you would be doing when you came home. But you did not miss the looks that Steve was sending your way. You knew that you had a gash on your forehead, but one of the agents on the scene had cleaned it and put on butterfly band-aids on it. You had every intention to go see dr Cho when you were back at the compound because you were pretty sure you had a couple of bruised or maybe even cracked ribs. It would not be the first time this had happened and probably would not be the last time either if you did not retire. You licked your lip and it stung. Add a split lip to the list of injuries. Steve was still looking at you, but you ignored it, closing your eyes. You heard his steps coming closer and when you opened your eyes he was standing in front of you. He pulls your headphones down.  
“You have to answer me when I talk on the comms with you,” he grumbles out.   
“I was busy,” you answer not breaking down from his stare. He huffs.  
“You should have notified someone that you where under attack,” Steve almost growl. You sigh,  
“I was under attack multiple times in that facility,” you sigh. “It was something I could have handled.”  
“You had no ammo left and your knives were lost,” Steve grinds out. You feel that you were losing your patient.  
“As it has been more than once on a mission,” you bit out. “I am a trained agent. I could handle it.”  
“Apparently not,” Steve motions for the gash on your head. You stand up, keeping the wince you wanted to do inside you not letting him see how injured you really were. Then you turned around and found another place to sit. You did not want to get into a fighting match with Steve in front of Maria and some of the other agents. Steve did not follow you, but you save how his jaw clenched and knew he was not happy with you. Get in line, you thought and pulled your headphone up again. On the rest of the plane ride home, you keep your distance to Steve. There was nothing more to say.

Steve stormed out of the jet when you arrived at the compound. You thanked Maria for the ride and walked into the compound setting your course to the Medical Center. You fish out your phone from your bag to send a message to Bucky to meet you, but you see that you had gotten a notification of a missed call from him. You listen to the voicemail that he had left you.   
“Hey, We heard your mission went well. We got a new mission and had to leave directly. We will probably be back late tonight or tomorrow morning. I will call you when I can.” And with that, the voicemail ended. You put the phone in your bag again and looked around. This meant you were alone with Steve in the compound. You walked into the Medical Center and Dr Cho quickly assess your injuries. The ribs are only bruised, but it still meant no training for you a week. The gash on the forehead did not need any medical attention and your lip was already healing. You were thankful for your faster than normal healing. It was nowhere close to Bucky and Steves healing, but it was faster than a normal human. You made your way to your room. A shower was what you needed. Hopefully, you could ignore Steve until Bucky was back.

After the shower, you walked to the kitchen to eat some food. Steve was sitting at the counter. You wanted to leave the room, but it felt childish. He used to be your best friend.   
“Hey,” you said and walked over to the fridge. Steve only gruffed in a response. It hurt more than you thought it would. Just a couple of more days, you told yourself. Then I can leave the team and leave Steve behind. Retire or join the X-Men again. Try and get over your feelings for Steve.   
“Have you eaten?” you asked Steve and he won’t even look at you. So we are really back to this? You sigh.   
“I asked you a question,” you say and walk over to Steve. He looks at you and just shrugs his shoulders. You wanted to strangle him and the cry in your room. This was the man that was your best friend for years. Your partner on missions. The man you talked about everything with. And now this. You were so done. Knowing that you probably just should leave him alone. But you just could not. Some small part of you still hoped that you could at least be friends again.   
“This is killing me, Steve?” You made a gesture between the two of you.   
“This?” Steve furrowed his eyebrows.   
“How you are treating me,” You look down at your shoes before meeting his eyes again. “You just stopped talking to me. Became cold and distant. I might act like it does not bother me that I lost my best friend. I have no fucking idea what happened. And then how you were acting in Alaska. You were hot and then cold against me. And now back at home you are not even talking to me. What has happened?”  
“You don’t need me anymore,” Steve got out, looking away from you. “You have Bucky.”  
“What does Bucky have to do with this? I am talking about us now, Steve,” you sigh and rubbing your forehead.   
“When your best friend gets a partner, well in my case, two of my best friends get together, you need to take a step back so you won’t come between them.” Steve sits up a bit straighter.   
“How many times do I have to tell you?” you almost growl. He was seriously pissing you off. “There is nothing between me and Bucky. We are friends. Just like you and me used to be.” you are trying to keep your anger in check as well as the tears.  
“We are still friends, Y/N” Steve looks at you with big eyes.  
“Are we really?” You huff. “If you were still my friend you would have known the reason me and Bucky were spending so much time together. You would know about things I have found out about myself. And you would bloody hell know that Bucky and I aren’t in a relationship.”  
“Not yet, you mean,” Steve mutters under his breath, but you hear him.  
“Seriously, that was what you got from this conversation?” You take a deep breath. “You know what. I can’t talk with you anymore. You are not listening, you are not looking.” You turn around and walk to your room. You hear Steve stand up and start jogging to get up to you.   
“Y/N, please talk to me,” Steve calls out to you.   
“You are breaking my heart,” You turn around to face him.  
“What do you mean?” Steve tilts his head.   
“You won’t listen to me. You see what you want to see.” Your bottom lip is starting to shake.   
“I don’t understand,” Steve is shaking his head.  
“Do you think I want this? Do you think I wanted to fall in love with you?” You almost yell at him.  
“What?” Steve takes a step back. His eyes are big and his eyebrows are drawn together.   
“Fate put me on the Avengers team. And I chose to be your friend. But falling in love with you was not a fucking choice. I can’t control that.” Steve just looked at you.  
“You know, what. Fuck this and fuck you!” you yelled at him and turned around leaving the room. When you were out of his view you started running to your room. You needed to pack and leave now. Steve had just shown you all you needed to know. He did not love you. Being home alone with Steve had been the worst thing that could have happened right now.   
If the team would have been there you had been able to say goodbye to them the right way. You could not believe you were doing this without saying goodbye to your family. You wrote a couple of letters to each team member, but not to Steve. You were done with him.


	6. Nightmares

Steve was sitting in his room. He heard the team come back but had no energy to go out and greet them. It could wait until tomorrow. He needed to talk to Bucky tomorrow. About Y/N. He could still not get over what Y/N had told him a couple of hours earlier, or more like yelled at him. She loved him, she was in love with him. His feelings were not one-sided. But when she had cussed at him and stormed off he knew he needed to talk to Bucky before he did anything else. Just because Y/N had feelings for him did not mean that Bucky did not have feelings for Y/N. He just could not do that to his best friend, even if it meant that he could not be with the love of his life. Something he just started to realise that Y/N was. Tears were once again running down his cheeks. His heart was breaking and he prayed that Y/N been telling the truth when she said there was nothing more between Bucky and her than friendship. Steve lays down crying himself to sleep.  
He starts dreaming about Y/N. Her dying in his arms in the cold snow, her drowning in the cold water because he jumped into the water too late. Her being shot by a Hydra Agent. It was like a horror movie with every way he could lose her that he could not stop. He sat up in bed and the tears were running down his face. He needed to see her. He needed to hold her. He needed to know that she was alive. He stepped out of bed and opened his door. On the other side of the corridor Bucky opened his door and Steve looked around seeing that Nat came from the elevator together with Wanda. Sam opened his bedroom door as well, across from Y/N door. What was happening?

The team came home late that night, and the compound was quiet. They did not think anything about it more than that they needed to sleep. Usually, Y/N would be awake waiting for them to make sure nobody was hurt, but maybe she was still tired from her mission. Bucky walks to his room, thinking that Y/N might be in his room waiting for him, but when he opens his door and she is not in his bed, he hopes that that means she is in bed with Steve. He undresses his dirty clothes and walks into the shower to soothe his aching muscles and get the grim from the mission of his body. When he stepped out of the bathroom with the steam coming out of the bathroom he dropped his towel on the floor, put on some clean sweatpants and crawled into bed and fell asleep directly.   
An hour later he sits up with a scream burning in his throat. Something was wrong. He hurries out of his bed and opens his door. In the hallway is Nat, Steve, Sam and Wanda. All looking around surprised that they all are awake.  
“Nightmare?” Bucky asks the team and they all nod slowly. He looks over at Steve whose eyes were red and puff. Then he looks over to Y/N’s door.   
“Something is wrong,” Nat says and turns around. She walks over to Y/N door and knocks.  
Steve is looking down on the floor, not meeting Bucky's eyes. What the fuck had happened?   
“Y/N!” Nat knocks on her door again but nothing happens. She opens the door and steps in. They hear some cursing so they all walk towards Y/N door. They find Nat sitting on the bed with a bunch of letters in her hand.   
“She… she left,” Nat gets out and looks at Steve. Bucky turns to Steve, his hands into fists. Steve swallows.  
“What did you do?” Bucky growls out.  
Steve takes a shaky step back. Y/N had left? Everyone was looking at him and he could not form a sentence. His mind was reeling. She had left.   
“I should have known something was wrong,” Wanda says, sweeping away a tear. Sam puts his arm around her shoulders. “I mean, she was not there to greet us.”  
“I knew the minute I woke up from my nightmare,” Nat says and looks down at the letters in her hands.   
“What?” Steve finally gets out. All eyes turn to him once again. Nat stands up and hands Bucky, Sam and Wanda a letter each. Nat was still holding a couple of letters in her hand but did not give any to Steve.   
“You are a moron,” Nat snapps at him. Steve looks around his teammates.   
“What the hell happened?” Sam demands. Steve feels his eyes filling again. Nat takes Steve’s arm and drags him out to the common room. Everyone follows.   
“Explain why Y/N left without saying a word,” Nat growls at Steve. Her arms are crossed and Steve sinks down on the couch closest to him. The drags his hands over his face and the elevator dings. Everyone's turn around hoping to see Y/n walking out of the elevator, but it’s Tony, Bruce, and Pepper who are carrying Morgan. Clint jumps down from a vent looking around the room.   
“Nightmares?” Clint asks, looking around at everyone, who all nodded, except for Steve.  
“Where is Auntie Y/N?” Morgan's sleepy voice asks.  
“Not here, Sweetie,” Wanda says with a shaky voice. Tony and Pepper share a look.  
“What did you do, Steve?” Tony marches over to Steve. He looks down at the floor and takes a deep breath.   
“We, kind of, had a fight,” Steve mumbles out.   
“What?” Nat says. “We can’t hear you.”  
“We had a fight after we came back from the mission,” Steve said louder.   
“About what? Why would she just leave because you had a fight?” Bruce asks and takes a step forward.   
“Because this fucker is an idiot,” Clint points a finger at Steve.  
“She was talking about leaving the team, before the mission,” Bucky growls out.  
“You knew, and you did not tell me,” Steve hops off the couch.   
“Sit your ass down, before I do it for you,” Bucky growls. Pepper mumbles something to Tony and leaves the room with Morgan. Nat gives Bruce, Tony and Clint a letter each, well no she gives Tony three letters. Steve figures it's one for Pepper and one for Morgan as well. He sits down.   
“What happened?” Bucky says and Steve looks up at his best friend with tears in his eyes.  
“I am so sorry, Buck,” Steve says and takes a couple of deep breaths then he starts talking. He took them back to the beginning. When Bucky came to live with them. How he saw the affect Y/N had on his best friend and how he wanted to give them both happiness so he backed away. He told them about his feelings for Y/N. About their mission. About everything that had happened and finally the fight. How she had screamed at him and left him standing there alone. And how Steve had decided to talk to Bucky before he talked to Y/N again. He told them all while looking down at his hands, but now that he looked up he saw they all had sat down, all but Bucky. Who was still looming over him.   
“Damn you, Steve, for always doing the right thing,” Bucky swears. “I was trying to make you jealous so you would tell her how you are feeling. And now she is gone.” Steve looks up at his friend.   
“What?” Steve's eyes are big.  
“Before you assume something, try asking. And actually, listen to the answers.” Clint mutters out. Steve's eyes are still looking on Bucky. Bucky sighs and sits down on the table.   
“You should have listened to her,” Bucky drags a hand through his still damp hair. “I love her, but like a little sister.”   
“You mean..” Steve trails off and looks down on his hands. “Fuck!” he groans.  
“You really fucked up,” Tony sassed at Steve.   
“The question is,” Bruce starts and everyone looks at him. “How are you going to fix this?” The team nods. Steve looks at each of them. They all loved Y/N. Not like him, but she was a part of the family. She had also taken the time to write them all a letter, except to him. He needed to find her.  
“FRIDAY, when did Y/N leave?” Steve asks. The team is waiting for the repons.  
“Two hours ago,” FRIDAY answered promptly.   
“She can’t have gotten far,” Steve stands up and stalks out of the room. He goes to his room to get dressed and to find her. 

Bucky sighs and looks down on the letter that Nat had given him. His name is written by Y/N on it and he both wants to open it and rip it apart. He knew that she needed to be really broken to leave like this. He really hoped that Steve would find her.   
“Do you think he will find her?” Tony asked and the room was silent. Clint clears his throat.  
“I think we might have to help him,” he says and opens his letter. Everyone opens their letters and Tony stands up after reading his.   
“We need to find her,” Nat says and folds her letter up. “She belongs with us, even if Steve is a moron. We need her with us.” Everyone agrees and they split up. Bucky goes to his room to get dressed. When he is leaving his room he sees Steve sprinting down the hall to the elevator. He decided against going with his friend. Instead, he goes to Nat's room and knocks.   
“Do you know where she can be?” Bucky asks when he walks into Nat’s room.   
“I have my ideas from her letter,” Nat looks on the letter that was on her bed. “But I am not sure.”  
“Do you think she would go back to the X-Men?” Bucky slumps his shoulders. Nat shakes her head.   
“Not yet,” Nat says and sits down on her bed. “I think she would need to get her head in the game again before she starts fighting again. I think she would need some time to breathe.” Bucky nods.  
“I saw Steve running to the elevator,” Bucky nods to the door. “Think he knows where she is?”  
“I think Steve might know that better than us,” Nat smirks a bit. “They were very close once.”  
“I hope he finds her,” Bucky drags a hand through his hair.  
“Let’s go find Tony and see what he has found out,” Nat says and tugs at Bucky's hand. Together they leave Nats room to find Tony.

Steve had hopped on to his bike and was driving fast to one place he thought Y/N might be. He hoped she would be there. He was an idiot and he needed to make it right. If he knew her as well as he thought she would be driving around to all the places that had important meaning to her. To say goodbye. He needed to find her before she had left. He comes to one of the places that he thought about, but she was not there. So he keeps going. He goes over the list in his mind and almost breaks hard when he remembers. One of the many days they had spent in Brooklyn together. They were standing between the Brooklyn Bridge and the Manhattan Bridge in Empire Fulton Ferry Park, at night looking over at Manhattan. She had smiled at him and looked so relaxed. She had told him that she loved this park at night. And that she in her mind had named it to your spot. That was where she was. That was where she would end up sooner or later. So Steve drove there as fast as he could. He parked his bike, not legally, but he did not care. He needed to find her. He ran into the park and at a bench, he saw someone sit.   
“Y/N!” he yelled out. She turned around and he ran towards her.

After you left the compound you thought that it was it. It was all done and all you could do was start moving forward. Instead, you started visiting the sports around that was important. Maybe it was a way to get closure. You did not know. In the end, you ended up in Empire Fulton Ferry Park. You walked over to a bench and sat down. Tears were running down your face. How could you still love Steve when he broke your heart? He did not run after you when you confessed your feelings. He did not notice that you had left. Still, you sat here hoping he would come. That he would know where you are. You sigh and look over at Brooklyn Bridge. You knew deep down inside you that Steve was the love of your life. The man you wanted to spend your life with. How did you end up like this? If you had told him how you felt from the beginning, would you be together? What if’s are easy to think, but you needed to get a grip. You needed to decide what to do now. You had left the compound without having a plan and if Tony wanted to he could easily reactivate the GPS in your car, and find you. Was that what you wanted? Did you want to be found? Nat had taught you how to disappear and you had gotten quite good at it when you were on the run with Steve. So why did you not do it now?  
“Y/N!” you hear a voice scream behind you. You turn around and see Steve. He is running into the park. Fuck was all you could think before he was in front of you. You stand up to walk away from him. It hurt to see him. 

“Please, listen to me,” Steve begs. “You owe me that much.”   
“I don’t owe you a damn thing, Steve,” she snapped and started walking away.  
“Do you know how much it killed me to see you with Bucky for these years,” Steve gets out. He needed to tell her. “See him making you laugh. See you cuddle with him on movie nights. See you leave his room.”  
“Probably as much as it hurt me to see you with Sharon,” she stops. He walks over and takes her hand.   
“I am so sorry for all the hurt I have caused you,” Steve turned her around. “I know I have hurt you so much, and it is all my fault. I should have asked you. I should have listened to you. I should never stop being your friend.”  
“Then why didn’t you?” she asks with tears in her eyes.  
“I thought you deserved better,” Steve sighs and cares away a tear that spilled out of her eye. “I knew before we found Bucky that I loved you. But I was so broken and you were like sunshine. Whenever I was around you I never had nightmares and you always treated me like Steve, not some damn hero. You were my friend and I fell in love with you. That is also the reason why it never worked out with me and Sharon. I saw how you and Bucky were getting closer and I thought I had lost you. So I started dating Sharon. It was a mistake.”   
“Steve, it’s too late,” She says and looks away.   
“No,” Steve says and drops down on his knees. “I love you.”

You looked down on Steve. He was on his knees in front of you. Holding on to both your hands now.  
“Please don’t leave me,” he begs. “I can’t do this without you.” He is crying and all you want to do is pull him into his arms, but why had he let you leave?  
“Why did you not say this before?” you look down at him. Tears are running from your eyes.   
“I needed to talk to Bucky,” Steve confessed. “I needed to know he did not love you.”   
You groan out loud. It made sense, more than you wanted to admit. You looked down on him and did not know what you should do. The man you loved was on his knees in front of you telling him his feelings for you. Begging you to stay. Could you really walk away from that?   
“Steve, stand up,” you say and Steve looks at you. You get him to realise one of your hands so you try pulling him up. “Let’s talk,” you say and make a gesture to the bench you have been sitting on. Steve nods and stands up. Together you sit down. He refused to let go of one of your hands, as if he let go, you would disappear. You sit in silence for a while, not really knowing what to say.   
“I mean it, I do love you,” Steve says and caresses your hand with his thumb. You look over at him and for once you can see the love in his eyes.   
“I love you too,” you say and move a bit closer to him.   
“We suck at communicating,” Steve mumbles and you let out a bit of a giggle.   
“Yeah, we really do,” You agree.   
“I know I messed all of this up, with pushing you away and not listening to what you were saying,” Steve takes a deep breath and looks out on the water. “But could you give me a new chance?” Could you? It was hard, but then you did a thing that Charles Xavier had told you about. You thought about your life without Steve and it was as if you could not breathe. The pain in your chest was worse than ever before and then you knew.   
“Yes,” you said and Steve looked at you. Tears were in his eyes again, as well as in yours.  
“Can I kiss you?” he asked, probably feeling kind of bold. You laugh and kiss him. His lips on yours again were like heaven. You pull back and look at him.   
“I need to take this slow,” you say and he nods. “And we have a lot to talk about.”   
“Then let’s start talking now,” Steve 

Back at the compound, the team is sitting waiting on an update. Hoping that Tony or Steve, or both would find Y/N. Nat was using one computer trying her best to track Y/N, but without any luck so far. Clint was sitting beside her trying to come up with good advice. Bucky was pacing around the lab. Sam stood with his arms across his chest by the wall looking on. Wanda and Bruce were on either side of Tony trying to see what he was doing.   
“Eureka,” Tony yells out and the team gathers around his screen.   
“I found her, well I found them.” He chuckles. They see a dot on a map by the Brooklyn Bridge.   
“I had to reactivate her GPS on the car. But I did it. It just took some time. Peter had been able to help if he was here, but I did not want to wake him up.”  
“Do you have any cameras in the area?” Bucky asks and Tony snorts.   
“What do you think I am doing,” Tony writes something and then on the screens in the lab they get a view of two people fighting. The man had a grip on one of the woman's hands.   
“She could easily get out of that grip,” Nat says and looks around. Tony does something on the computer again. And they have the scene in front of them from two angles, and a bit closer. Now they can see that it’s really Steve and Y/N. And then Steve drops down on his knees, crying. “Should we really be watching this?” Wanda asks the rest of the team give her a hard look.  
“Can we get audio?” Nat asks Tony, but he shakes his head. After a while they see Y/N get Steve on his feet and they walk over to the bench. Now they can only see the backs of them, but after a while, they see the kiss. They all breath out heavily.   
“This must mean she is not leaving,” Clint smirks.   
“Let’s go to bed and let them be alone,” Bucky says and ushers them all out of the lab.  
“I need to go tell Pepper,” Tomy walks away fast. Nat turns to Bucky.  
“If he messes this up again,” she crosses her arms. “Then I will kill him.”  
“Get in line,” Bucky says and they walk over to the elevator. 

“So how did you find out I was missing so fast,” you wonder. Steve sighs and pulls a hand through his hair.  
“We all woke up by nightmares and walked out into the hall at about the same time,” Steve admitted. “Nat and Bucky seemed to know directly that something was wrong.”  
“Hmmm,” you look down at your feet. “Steve it’s something I need to tell you.”  
“Does this have something about what you said that you learnt about yourself?” Steve wonders and you nod.  
“You can control dreams?” He asks and you look up at him.  
“Well, not control dreams, directly,” you whisper softly. “It’s more like I can take nightmares away or give nightmares, but only nightmares.”  
“So when you are at the compound..” Steve tilts his head to the side.  
“Then I can remove everyone's bad dreams,” you continue Steve’s sentence.   
“How?” he wondered.  
“I don't really know,” you admit. “Bucky started noticing that everyone slept better when I was at the compound, and he noticed that I could kind of take away his nightmares. I can’t really explain it more.” Steve kissed her forehead.   
“We were talking about going to Tony to find out more or even talking to Charles,” you admit. “But I was unsure of how to go about it. I did not want people to think I was imposing in their dreams.”  
“Nat found out?” Steve put an arm over your shoulder and you relaxed against his body.   
“Yes, she figured it out and she kept my secret. She and Bucky have helped me come to grips with it and I am ready to know more about it now.”  
“So basically,” Steve smiles at you. “Your powers have grown.” You nod and Steve leans down and presses a kiss to your lips.  
“I am here for you,” he says against your lips before he kisses you again. You sit there on the bench talking until the sun is rising. It was nice and felt almost like before, but now you shared kisses as well. You knew that everything between you was not right, but you could work at it together. Relationships take time and effort and if the love is big enough it can survive. You walk hand in hand out of the park. Steve opened the door to your car and gave you a kiss before he walked over to his bike. Then he rode behind you the whole way to the compound.


End file.
